It’s newsletter time, yo and as I sit down to think about what’s been happening, I fear I don’t have much to say. My life is all about my dog and watching horror films, with the occasional meal out, and sometimes a deep and meaningful conversation.
With that in mind I’ll break this into work, life, play segments to keep it coherent.
The unwritten rule on this blog has always been to keep away from the topic of work. Not only is it boring, I also like to put it to bed at the end of each day for my own sanity. But it’s fine, I’m working as part of a project which is shambolic mostly but is ultimately good exposure, except that I don’t really know what I’d do with that anyway. It’s nice to be thought of in a positive light and all but I don’t have much ambition in this role.
I’m currently finishing off a Copywriting diploma and I’m hoping to be sent on another course in the new year, so I am learning regardless. What I love about my role is being part of the employee forum and being a Mental Health First Aider. I would love to find a way of combining mental health support and awareness with writing/communication. There must be roles like that out there for me.
But for now, it’s ticking along and I’m glad we’re more or less back in the office two days a week. It’s overwhelming seeing other people but it’s also GREAT to see friends. Everything’s so loud and bright though.
I’ll stay away from the weather and the state of the country/world as I see it because it’s all too bleak. Instead, I’ll take a breath and say, I know there are things that are either out of my control or not my problem to deal with, so fuck it. Can you tell I’ve started therapy?
It’s going really well and has validated a lot of my thinking. We’re currently working on boundaries – and on giving the anxious voice space to have its say but not necessarily listen to it, which is hard in practice but is helping. I feel for the first time in a few years that I’m looking forward and that’s a good feeling. Maybe I’ll share more about this, maybe I won’t but I’m working on my mental health and I’m proud of myself for that.
An extension of the mental side of things is the physical of course and I’ve got to the point in life where I know I need to tweak a few things. I’m now the wrong side of 40 and will soon be staring menopause in the face – and when she comes knocking, I want to feel stronger. I want to focus on that, on strength and not being out of breath walking up the road to the bus stop. My plan then is to look at that area too – let’s not rush into anything though.
In conclusion, life is difficult for all of us but I’m working on changing the way I react to it and focusing on the things that are mine. I can’t fix everybody, and I can’t change people who don’t want to change and putting that into practice feels very empowering.
Since Christmas is next month and it’s rained every day for the last week, I’ve activated Hibernation mode. It’s all big mugs, soft sweats and Netflix up in here – and I couldn’t be happier. It is my birthday on the 25th though so I have a few things planned to celebrate/commiserate. I can’t believe I’m 45 this year – my mind is still at 18 while my body’s around 62.
It’s weird isn’t it, getting older? I’ve been thinking a lot about all the pressures that go with getting older and although it scares me much more than death or Great Whites in swimming pools, I have to accept it. I’m not the same age as all my friends, no matter how much I wish that wasn’t true. But: I am cool – as far as my idea of cool goes – and I think that’s pretty sweet.
To fully embrace who I am and not be concerned with looking dewy and youthful, even pretty – if I can accept my dorky self then the golden years will be a joy.
Three words to describe November
Cosy • Well-fed • Contemplative
That’s pretty much all I have to share right now. We’re spending most of our time on the couch but there will be light walks and lots of navel-gazing too – and I’m really alright with it.