Following a two week hiatus – in which Jill flew to Germany and Iceland, and I went to Margate – we’re back with a Free For All before all out horror kicks in for October. While it was nice to have a break, I have to admit my weekend did feel suspiciouly light without the ritual of settling down to our homework.
Anyway, it was my pick this week and I regretted it almost immediately, which sucks a bit but is also… verrrrry in keeping with the overall tone and vibe of our blogs.
Here we go!
Glorious (2022)
The universe has a favour to ask
After a breakup, Wes ends up at a remote rest stop. He finds himself locked inside the bathroom with a mysterious figure speaking from an adjacent stall. Soon Wes realizes he is involved in a situation more terrible than he could imagine.
Genre: Horror, Thriller ∙ IMDB user rating: 5.5
My score: 1/5 ∙ Runtime: 79 mins
*Spoilers*
Poor Wes is clearly heartbroken and on the run from his relationship woes. Pulling into a rest stop in his little car full of belongings, he cuts a desperate figure. We’ve all been there, am I right? After an awkward exchange with a homeless lady, Wes decides to get himself good and fucked up with a pity party for one in the public BBQ area. Burning all memory of his ex Brenda in the fire pit, Wes can’t resist keeping just one photograph because well, she was different from all the rest, right?
The next morning our one man broken hearts club stumbles into the bathroom block to violently puke up last night’s excess. Here he starts a conversation with a disembodied voice coming from another stall and since that voice belongs to J.K. Simmons, who can blame him? Except, well this chat takes a turn when a) Wes tries to peek through a gloryhole to see who he’s speaking to, and b) hears the whole sorry tale of why Ghatanothoa (the name to accompany the dulcet tones) is there in the first place. To be honest, it all gets very convoluted but might be one of the film’s few strengths – it’s nuts.
The gist is this: Ghat – an ancient God – is a tool created by his father for the sole purpose of destroying humanity. Imprisoned by his other children to stop this wicked plan, Ghat’s father hasn’t been able to make good on his plan – until now. Ghat for his part has developed a fondness for humans and doesn’t want anything to do with part its destruction any more, hence him hiding out in a piss-stained road-side gloryhole for the foreseeable.
He tells Wes that in order to permanently hide, he/it/they must transcend into the ethereal plane – and can only do that if its physical form is satisfied by a mortal, via the gloryhole.
When Ghat asks Wes to be said mortal for “reasons”, he assumes the worst. Must he perform a humiliating sex act on the unknown entity to save the world? And what does annihilation really look like anyway? Ghat removes Wes’ precious memories of Brenda as a little taster of what’s to come if he doesn’t muck in – will it be enough?
Oh, and perhaps the most pressing question of all: if this isn’t random, and Ghat chose Wes for a reason – what is that reason? Turns out the old adage “like attracts like” applies across species and time and God knows what else, that’s all I’m saying.
“Your genitals are of no significance.”
“Well, you don’t have to be mean about it!”
THOUGHTS
This film is fucking stupid and I did not enjoy it. However, having pondered it a little deeper I do think it has some merits, not many but some. I’ll start with the positives:
- It’s directed by a woman Rebekah McKendry which may explain some of the character points (and evidence of gaslighting) – which I enjoyed as I didn’t see it coming
- I’ve had a fondness for Ryan Kwanten since True Blood but he’s also great in both Dead Silence (2007) and Red Hill (2010) – so my love for him blinded me to Wes’ character faults which are pretty hard to ignore
- The concept of a gloryhole is just inherently amusing, isn’t it? Incidentally this will be the second (if I’ve calculated properly) horror movie that features one – the first one was more dramatic…
- J.K. Simmons’ voice is pure luxury, isn’t it?
What I didn’t like:
- Everything else.
In all seriousness, this isn’t a bad film – it just wasn’t for me. At times I found it boring or a bit up its own arse – and it all gets so over the top I couldn’t be bothered with it. This may be on me in some parts as my husband sold it to me as a Mandy/Color Out of Space inspired sci-fi.
There are similarities of course but this isn’t fit to shine those film’s shoes and definitely runs out of steam early on. Maybe you’ll disagree, it certainly has mixed reviews online, with some people absolutely loving it.
Christa Act 
My main takeaway from this film is that we don’t deserve J.K. Simmons but are lucky to experience his existence.
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