One of the symptoms of anxiety for me is the failure to commit to things. Not people so much – once I’m set on you, I’m all in – it’s more about starting a new project or, more likely, a fresh notebook. I hate making small mistakes on a blank page or reading back something I’ve written and not liking it. It immediately makes me want to start again.
Over the years this has also extended to blogs. I’ve had many guises online and although I believe I have stayed true to who I am, I definitely haven’t shared every aspect of what makes me me. I’m starting afresh again right here because WordPress isn’t working for me anymore but I’m reticent to make myself known publicly in case I can’t see this one through either.
I’ve blogged for almost 22 years and my motivations have changed many times too. I started a Blogger site in 2000 so I could piss around with my friend Paul in the call center we worked in. I then got into actual writing and continue to do that, usually about mental health and general thoughts about life and the world. I also review films and books because who doesn’t want to know my thoughts on those?
I love to do it and I do it at least once a week, when both my pal Jill and I review the same film. We’ve been doing this for years now and have covered hundreds of films. We initially started tackling awful films for the crack of it and it’s evolved since. Sort of. We still love terrible movies that get the snark flowing.
So here I am in a new space and I don’t think I’m going to change the formula too much. I’d like to be more honest about my feelings because I think it’s important not to always act like you have everything together. Truthfully I have no answers and often spiral into frightening territory with my thoughts. In between the film reviews it would be good to share these periods, even if it’s just me hollering into the void.
Let’s see how it goes. Until then, if you read this: Welcome.